I’m trying to change things up a bit, so instead of starting with something out of my book of Pop Culture lyrics, I’ve gone with something more chilled and well… awesome, so thank you Ben Howard 🙂
Anyway! It’s Sunday and I’m supposed to be studying, because that’s just where I am in my life at the moment. Then I had a thought and I figured I might as well share it with the world, because we all know that an awesome thought means absolutely nothing if it’s not been followed by some sort of social media upload. Hashtag amirite????!
I feel like I’ve spent all this time searching for awesome GIF’s that I’ve lost my train of thought! Anyways. So upon having a long discussion about life as a single twenty something, obviously Tinder found it’s way in there somewhere. When you’re in a relationship, it’s very easy to judge the decisions of the singles in your life.. When you’re on the there side, however, things change and you’re forced to have an open mind about everything. Not thirty minutes after said discussion, I decided to create an account and see what happens. Please know that I’m not looking for a relationship, I’m not looking for a fling, I’m not looking for anything. I just wanted to see what it was like. I was on for a whole of five minutes and quickly felt very intimidated. Some of the guys are really handsome. But also, it made me look at my pictures and question what I should write at the ‘about me’ section, because I want to be appealing. I have to hide my lameness, I should be cool. So I went into a bit of a panic, are the sun glasses too much, my forehead is too big, oh dear, there’s a picture of Alex. Ahhhhh!
Then I went off of it and took a step back. Why am I doing this? What do I wish to accomplish? I don’t want any of the things that the guys are putting out there (haha) so why would I torment myself, even though it was five minutes, I was already trying to mould myself into a perfect little image for someone else. This completely defeats the purpose of finding yourself and learning to discover what it is that makes you happy and that makes you tick. If I go my entire life changing for person x, who is Rochelle at the end of it all?
We’ve become people who have to be perfect at everything we do. We’re not allowed to make mistakes, because God forbid, it just reiterates how imperfectly human we are. I am not a perfect person. I love singing and I can’t sing to save a life (see what I did there 😉 ). I can’t dance, but I will dance my heart out whenever I get the chance. My jokes are awful, and people laugh at me laughing at my jokes, more than the joke itself. Does that stop me from singing, dancing and telling my awfully hilarious jokes? No! Because it makes me happy. And what am I doing if I’m not happy?
So when I swiped through the profiles of the mostly average guys and read one or two… Maybe three bios, I realised that in-app dating is not really that different to in-bar/coffee shop/restaurant dating. You’re still checking the person out, getting to know the person and then deciding where it will go from there. All of this just happens behind a phone screen. You’re just able to exit a lot easier if you see it’s not going anywhere, which is kinda convenient, I suppose.
Still pretty daunting, right? So! As entertaining as it was, I don’t think I’ll be making it my main platform for well, meeting people. I’m awkward enough as it is, I think this will just make it so much more awkward. And for the record, I really enjoy being on my own. It’s something that I haven’t had the luxury of in so long and it’s so liberating. Do I get lonely, of course, do I miss being the apple of someone’s eye? Sure. But the time alone makes you very appreciative of the time you get to spend with people and it makes you treasure the people in your life so much more.
This time alone has made me realise how much I enjoy being by myself. Which is why I got all flustered about the Tinder thing. I think that for a while, I thought that because I am in no rush to get into a relationship, it made me weird or abnormal. But it doesn’t, the fact that I’m comfortable with my own company shows just how I don’t need someone. We will always want to be with someone, because two is always better than one. And there are times in one’s life that solitude and independence are what we need more. Maybe not forever, hopefully not forever, but it should be enjoyed.
There’s a lot that you learn about yourself when you’re always by yourself. If I could, I’d take a trip into the wilderness, or the mountains and just soak it all in. Away from people and social media, I would take my books and my music, because hello… Books and music. Come on bro.
One of the most amazing things I’ve learnt recently is that when you fight for what you want, you don’t settle for second best. If someone doesn’t want to be in your life, you don’t force them to be. I’ve adopted this ‘eh’ attitude (actually, I’ve always had it, it’s just become more prominent) I love people, I love people a lot. But I don’t love a lot of people, so all the love that I have for the people in my life, it’s like, a lot. And when you know the love you have for people and it’s not appreciated, or it’s just swept to the side. Lady. Please. You become selfish with your time, your love, your affection. There is always someone who needs something more, so time wasted on someone who isn’t bothered, well bro, thank you and good bye.
People come into your life for a specific purpose, and when it’s good, you’re loved and cherished and when it’s not, you’re left stronger and wiser and so much more badass. You get to a point where you’re like, yeah well, I’m over it. It doesn’t matter what you say, or what you think, I’m still singing Taylor Swift with no regrets!
Thank you Pam Beesly, for always showing me where my priorities lie 😀
Love, Vanilla Candles and Cold Toes,
Rochelle Joy xx