Because Always Being Happy Kinda Sucks A Bit.

Because Always Being Happy Kinda Sucks A Bit.

By now I’m sure you’re well aware that I’m the happy-go-lucky friend that sings and dances at the drop of a hat. So when the happy-go-lucky-friend has an off day, all the other people go ‘what is happening? why isn’t she talking? is she okay?’ and you’re forced to resume the character all your people are used to. What people don’t realize though, is that it’s perfectly normal to have an off day. Even for the person who’s happy all (or most) of the time.

kuzco happy

In all honesty, it takes a lot more effort to be happy all the time, for the sake of other people than when you’re actually happy because you’re genuinely happy. You know? I think I’ve used the word happy too many times, so many in fact that it’s now starting to sound weird. Happy. Ha ha.

Chandler Lol

I think it stems from the fact that a lot of people rely on other people to make them happy or to make them laugh or whatever, and when you’re on the other side of that relationship, it becomes hella draining. With that being said, it’s just as much the fault of the (stars haha, close but not quite) happy-makee as it is the happy-maker (I make up a lot of words). We become so very used to fulfilling the role of the happy-maker that we don’t give ourselves a single moment to be down/sad/annoyed openly to other people, lest we offend them by not being happy.

Care

But then it got me thinking… Why do I do this to myself? Why do I fake being happy for the sake of other people when all I want to do is actually just be my sad self. I’m not a sad person, not at all, I’m as jolly as a unicorn at the end of a rainbow. But I have off days as well and sometimes I want to feel all the feels of those off days. Because if I’m Lady Smilesalot all the time, who am I when I’m not smiling? Who am I? I’m a regular 25 year old who’s most probably smiling on the inside, with my face down. Or, I’m in my room crying about something that made me sad a few weeks ago until I feel better.

Superman

crying

I’m being a lot more dramatic than needs be, but it gets annoying when you’re this person. The person who listens to everyone’s sad soppy stories day in and day out and you’re like, okay, I have issues too you know, but like, whatever. And then you get to the point where I am now, where I’m kinda of bitchy and well, mean. It’s awful actually, because if you’re not that way then you get walked over and ignored because your warmheartedness gets mistaken for ‘I’m a push-over who won’t stand up for myself and talk to you about what’s bothering me’.

self five

What’s funny is that I enjoy standing up for myself. I might come across as a bit of a bitch, but rather that than be the quiet little mousy girl who has to hold in absolutely everything she thinks and feels for the sake of selfish people who want to talk about themselves all the time. I’m happier being truthful and honest about how I feel, than being ‘happy’ because someone else needs me to be. It’s so exhausting being Beyoncé. Haha, that line has no relevance in this sentence.
winning

So hahaha yes, I think this post was one big rant more than anything else, and isn’t that why we have these cute media outlets? Right!  So I’m going to end off like I usually do, by saying that you should go ahead and be awesome, be yourself, love yourself, cherish the things that make you unique and speak your mind. Don’t settle for anything less than what you deserve and be happy when you’re happy and whatever else, when you’re not.

Love and my unrelenting desire to get another tattoo,

Rochelle xx

I Do Believe We’re Only Passing Through

I Do Believe We’re Only Passing Through

I’m trying to change things up a bit, so instead of starting with something out of my book of Pop Culture lyrics, I’ve gone with something more chilled and well… awesome, so thank you Ben Howard 🙂

Anyway! It’s Sunday and I’m supposed to be studying, because that’s just where I am in my life at the moment. Then I had a thought and I figured I might as well share it with the world, because we all know that an awesome thought means absolutely nothing if it’s not been followed by some sort of social media upload. Hashtag amirite????!

wink demi

I feel like I’ve spent all this time searching for awesome GIF’s that I’ve lost my train of thought! Anyways. So upon having a long discussion about life as a single twenty something, obviously Tinder found it’s way in there somewhere. When you’re in a relationship, it’s very easy to judge the decisions of the singles in your life.. When you’re on the there side, however, things change and you’re forced to have an open mind about everything. Not thirty minutes after said discussion, I decided to create an account and see what happens. Please know that I’m not looking for a relationship, I’m not looking for a fling, I’m not looking for anything. I just wanted to see what it was like. I was on for a whole of five minutes and quickly felt very intimidated. Some of the guys are really handsome. But also, it made me look at my pictures and question what I should write at the ‘about me’ section, because I want to be appealing. I have to hide my lameness, I should be cool. So I went into a bit of a panic, are the sun glasses too much, my forehead is too big, oh dear, there’s a picture of Alex. Ahhhhh!

phoebe madness

Then I went off of it and took a step back. Why am I doing this? What do I wish to accomplish? I don’t want any of the things that the guys are putting out there (haha) so why would I torment myself, even though it was five minutes, I was already trying to mould myself into a perfect little image for someone else. This completely defeats the purpose of finding yourself and learning to discover what it is that makes you happy and that makes you tick. If I go my entire life changing for person x, who is Rochelle at the end of it all?

We’ve become people who have to be perfect at everything we do. We’re not allowed to make mistakes, because God forbid, it just reiterates how imperfectly human we are. I am not a perfect person. I love singing and I can’t sing to save a life (see what I did there 😉 ). I can’t dance, but I will dance my heart out whenever I get the chance. My jokes are awful, and people laugh at me laughing at my jokes, more than the joke itself. Does that stop me from singing, dancing and telling my awfully hilarious jokes? No! Because it makes me happy. And what am I doing if I’m not happy?

So when I swiped through the profiles of the mostly average guys and read one or two… Maybe three bios, I realised that in-app dating is not really that different to in-bar/coffee shop/restaurant dating. You’re still checking the person out, getting to know the person and then deciding where it will go from there. All of this just happens behind a phone screen. You’re just able to exit a lot easier if you see it’s not going anywhere, which is kinda convenient, I suppose.

BJ Sigh

Still pretty daunting, right? So! As entertaining as it was, I don’t think I’ll be making it my main platform for well, meeting people. I’m awkward enough as it is, I think this will just make it so much more awkward. And for the record, I really enjoy being on my own. It’s something that I haven’t had the luxury of in so long and it’s so liberating. Do I get lonely, of course, do I miss being the apple of someone’s eye? Sure. But the time alone makes you very appreciative of the time you get to spend with people and it makes you treasure the people in your life so much more.

This time alone has made me realise how much I enjoy being by myself. Which is why I got all flustered about the Tinder thing. I think that for a while, I thought that because I am in no rush to get into a relationship, it made me weird or abnormal. But it doesn’t, the fact that I’m comfortable with my own company shows just how I don’t need someone. We will always want to be with someone, because two is always better than one. And there are times in one’s life that solitude and independence are what we need more. Maybe not forever, hopefully not forever, but it should be enjoyed.

taytay

There’s a lot that you learn about yourself when you’re always by yourself. If I could, I’d take a trip into the wilderness, or the mountains and just soak it all in. Away from people and social media, I would take my books and my music, because hello… Books and music. Come on bro.

One of the most amazing things I’ve learnt recently is that when you fight for what you want, you don’t settle for second best. If someone doesn’t want to be in your life, you don’t force them to be. I’ve adopted this ‘eh’  attitude (actually, I’ve always had it, it’s just become more prominent) I love people, I love people a lot. But I don’t love a lot of people, so all the love that I have for the people in my life, it’s like, a lot. And when you know the love you have for people and it’s not appreciated, or it’s just swept to the side. Lady. Please. You become selfish with your time, your love, your affection. There is always someone who needs something more, so time wasted on someone who isn’t bothered, well bro, thank you and good bye.

People come into your life for a specific purpose, and when it’s good, you’re loved and cherished and when it’s not, you’re left stronger and wiser and so much more badass. You get to a point where you’re like, yeah well, I’m over it. It doesn’t matter what you say, or what you think, I’m still singing Taylor Swift with no regrets!

Pam

Thank you Pam Beesly, for always showing me where my priorities lie 😀

Love, Vanilla Candles and Cold Toes,

Rochelle Joy xx