By now I’m sure you’re well aware that I’m the happy-go-lucky friend that sings and dances at the drop of a hat. So when the happy-go-lucky-friend has an off day, all the other people go ‘what is happening? why isn’t she talking? is she okay?’ and you’re forced to resume the character all your people are used to. What people don’t realize though, is that it’s perfectly normal to have an off day. Even for the person who’s happy all (or most) of the time.
In all honesty, it takes a lot more effort to be happy all the time, for the sake of other people than when you’re actually happy because you’re genuinely happy. You know? I think I’ve used the word happy too many times, so many in fact that it’s now starting to sound weird. Happy. Ha ha.
I think it stems from the fact that a lot of people rely on other people to make them happy or to make them laugh or whatever, and when you’re on the other side of that relationship, it becomes hella draining. With that being said, it’s just as much the fault of the (stars haha, close but not quite) happy-makee as it is the happy-maker (I make up a lot of words). We become so very used to fulfilling the role of the happy-maker that we don’t give ourselves a single moment to be down/sad/annoyed openly to other people, lest we offend them by not being happy.
But then it got me thinking… Why do I do this to myself? Why do I fake being happy for the sake of other people when all I want to do is actually just be my sad self. I’m not a sad person, not at all, I’m as jolly as a unicorn at the end of a rainbow. But I have off days as well and sometimes I want to feel all the feels of those off days. Because if I’m Lady Smilesalot all the time, who am I when I’m not smiling? Who am I? I’m a regular 25 year old who’s most probably smiling on the inside, with my face down. Or, I’m in my room crying about something that made me sad a few weeks ago until I feel better.
I’m being a lot more dramatic than needs be, but it gets annoying when you’re this person. The person who listens to everyone’s sad soppy stories day in and day out and you’re like, okay, I have issues too you know, but like, whatever. And then you get to the point where I am now, where I’m kinda of bitchy and well, mean. It’s awful actually, because if you’re not that way then you get walked over and ignored because your warmheartedness gets mistaken for ‘I’m a push-over who won’t stand up for myself and talk to you about what’s bothering me’.
What’s funny is that I enjoy standing up for myself. I might come across as a bit of a bitch, but rather that than be the quiet little mousy girl who has to hold in absolutely everything she thinks and feels for the sake of selfish people who want to talk about themselves all the time. I’m happier being truthful and honest about how I feel, than being ‘happy’ because someone else needs me to be. It’s so exhausting being Beyoncé. Haha, that line has no relevance in this sentence.
So hahaha yes, I think this post was one big rant more than anything else, and isn’t that why we have these cute media outlets? Right! So I’m going to end off like I usually do, by saying that you should go ahead and be awesome, be yourself, love yourself, cherish the things that make you unique and speak your mind. Don’t settle for anything less than what you deserve and be happy when you’re happy and whatever else, when you’re not.
Love and my unrelenting desire to get another tattoo,