-This, is brilliant. This is not uncommon. More people experience this than we give them credit for. It’s such a big word and such a common feeling in people, I can’t believe it isn’t more simple.
It’s quite funny that I stumbled upon this ‘word of the day’ today, because it’s something that hits home, it hits home so hard I think I lost my breath for a moment when I saw it.
I’ve applied for UNISA (The University of South Africa) this year, to study Industrial & Organisational Psychology and I’ve been in the process of calling them and finding out about my courses and all that. I’ve called about 5 times, each time I was put in line, at one point I was 20th in line. Then this morning, I called literally 15 minutes after their offices opened and I was put 6th in line. Eventually I got through to an operator who l told me I’d be contacted before the end of the day. So yes, today is going to be an interesting battle-of-my-mind type of day.
What you need to know, is that I give the title ‘Doubting Thomas’ a whole new form. Not only because I’m female (haha) but because I find it very hard to believe in myself. I have the most faith in people and the government and the world as a whole, but when it comes to me, it’s just not happening. I’m working on it though (almost daily) so, usually any form of confidence I need to muster, come in the smallest drips and drabs.
When I saw this, I decided that I’m not going to put myself into a box. I’m not going to spend the entire day worrying about the outcome of today. Whether I get accepted or not, I’m going to pursue my dream. I’m going to walk in the path that God has laid out before me, because no matter the outcome, His will will prevail and it is so much greater that what I could ever imagine 🙂
It’s so simple typing these words, because it’s what’s in my heart. But, when the time comes for me to put them into action, that God-inspired self confidence I just wrote with, diminishes and I’m left on an island of self-pity and worthlessness before I realize that my island is in fact not an island at all, but an illusion of fear that makes me feel isolated and alone.
The thing that I need to remind myself of constantly though, is that I have no reason to fear 🙂 God has my back, He looks out for me like a dad who assists his child on her first bike ride. He smiles and cheers me on when I’ve ridden off without my training wheels, and if I lose my balance and fall he’s right there beside me to help me up and get me on my feet again 🙂
The thing to remember is that there are more people out there who feel this way. Who are fearful of not succeeding in life, who feel that they aren’t good enough. To all those people, there is hope! It’s an on-going journey to finding that you are good enough, that as long as you follow your heart, have faith in yourself and surround yourself with people who believe in and encourage you, you’ll be well on your way to great things darling 😉
Many Joy Faces 