Yes, more Taylor Swift lyrics. Don’t judge me, too harshly. On a more serious note, today marks the first month of my singleness and I have to say (well, I don’t have to, but I can, so I will… anyway) it’s actually a lot more tough than I thought it would be. Breaking up something that has been a part of your life for almost 20% of your life so far, hurts, a lot.
But I’ve recently learnt that I need to be a bit more patient with myself and I need to become a lot less controlling. So! Instead of wallowing in self pity, I have to pick myself up out this pit I am clearly falling into. It’s a decision I’ve made and now I have to take the steps required to move forward and it’s so hard! But it’s for the best and I’m excited, kinda!
I’ve decided to take this time and rediscover the things about myself that I need to work on, improve and maybe do away with. I’ve started by doing whatever the hell I want to do with my hair, which is so great because I can leave it curly and be all wild and untamed 😀 It’s daunting, because my hair is a big part of who I am (as it true for most girls) so I feel like I’m making myself vulnerable… Which is probably a less dramatic thing than what I’m making it out to be. Still. But you know what I mean, I hope! It’s a new journey of self-discovery and renewal and all of the philosophical things that people say you’re about to experience. Most importantly for me, it’s learning to be on my own. It’s learning to stand on my own two feet and not behind someone else’s shadow. It’s being a little selfish with my time and my love (that won’t last long) and most importantly, it’s about finding my Joy again.
I’m goofy and ridiculous and I sing off-key whenever I have the chance, and I’ve lost that, for the longest time. So I’m on my way to finding that again! It’s terrifying and exciting at the same time, which is life, basically haha. Don’t get me wrong, I have random crying outbursts when the slightest thing reminds me of things that made me think of him. I need to realise that all of this isn’t going to go away over night. It still sucks though.
But just because it sucks now, it doesn’t mean that it’s going to suck forever. Just because I’m alone now (which I am really beginning to enjoy). doesn’t mean that I’ll be alone for the rest of my days. And, just because it hurts like a mother trucker now, doesn’t mean that it will hurt forever. At this point, everything just feels all sucky and whatever.
For now, this is my life right now and I’m really not too phased because you know, I’m young and stuff. So don’t judge me for relishing in pasta, ice-cream, oodles of chocolate, pilates and my UNISA modules like there’s no tomorrow. Liz Lemon up in here 😀 The rest will just have to fall into place.
Love and cute grey nails,
Rochelle Joy xx